There's a ballet supplies brand called "Gaynor Minden?" How did the late-night comedy shows miss this?

{From a few old pieces of paper}

[Mark sits at a cubicle with a computer in front of him, wearing a headset. He's in a t-shirt with a popular video game logo on it, such as a "For the Horde!" shirt. He's bored. A soft "dialing" tone plays in the background]

[A click signifies a pickup on the other end. Mark sits up a little]

Mark: Hello, my name is Mark. I'm a research associate with TSCH, a national research firm. We're conducting a survey with people in your area on behalf of the Department of Health. Could I please speak with a resident of the household 18 years of age or older.

[Cut to a man in his mid forties, sitting in a recliner with a bowl of chips and a bottle of beer, holding a telephone. He's angry.]

Man: Are you a telemarketer?

Mark [On phone]: No, sir. I'm a research associate. I'm not trying to sell you anything.

Man: I'm on the "DO-NOT-CALL" list.

Mark: [rushing] Sir, the "Do-not-call" list applies to telemarketers, people trying to sell you things. We're -

Man [interrupting]: Well, FUCK you! [slams phone down]

[Cheerful, bouncy music begins in the background]

(A montage of Mark at work, calling people)

Mark: Hello, my name is Mark. I'm a-

[click, he's hung up on]

Mark: research...

-

Mark: [frustrated] The Department of Health. Yes, the Department of Health. I can provide you with a confirmation [click] number...

-

Mark: TSCH - it stands for the letters of the last names of our founders. [listens] What? [listens] They've got very long last names...um... Travinisky? Tarivish? Tarinvinsk?

-

Mark: Can I speak with an adult 18 years of age or older?

Old woman [on phone]: But I'm 76.

Mark: So...you're older than 18?

Old woman: No, I'm 76. I don't work for the Department of Health.

Mark: I know, ma'am, I'm calling on behalf of the Department of Health.

Old woman: Who is this?

Mark: [exasperated] My name is Mark, and I'm calling on behalf of -

Old woman: Well, Matthew, I think you should know, I'm a 76 year old woman with 4 grandchildren and 5 cats and I just don't approve of this.

Mark: Well, ma'am -

Old woman: Goodbye, John [click].

-

Mark: Hello, my name is [click] -

-

Mark: Hello, my name is Mark. I'm [click] -

-

Mark: Hello, my name is Mark. I'm calling -

Woman's voice: [like an answering machine] I'm sorry, no one is available to take your [sneeze].

Mark: [confused] Ma'am?

Woman: Oh, shit [click].

-

Mark: Hi, my name is Mark, and I'm calling on -

Man: Mark, you said?

Mark: Yes, sir.

Man: Mark, can you see me right now?

Mark: No, sir. All our numbers are randomly generated by computer. All know about you is your phone number.

Man: Mark, I really with your could see me right now.

[Mark pauses uncomfortably]

Man: Because I'm flipping you off [click].

-

Woman: ...but I don't know if I should count my daughter as a resident, because she goes to college.

Man: Does she live in the household?

Woman: Well, yes, but she drives to the community college down the street.

Mark: But she lives in the household?

Woman: Yes, but she's a very independent woman.

-

Mark: Hello, my name is Mark. I'm calling on behalf of the Department of Health -

Man: Is this in regards to the deceased?

Mark: Um...we're just trying to speak with a resident of the household.

Man: Is this in regards to the deceased? the body should have been removed hours ago.

-

Mark: Hello, my name is Mark. I'm calling on behalf of the Department of Health.

Woman: [furious] Listen, stop calling, leave me alone, take my number off your list -

Mark: Ma'am, we don't have a "list," all of our numbers are randomly generated by -

Woman: I don't CARE how you got my number! Stop calling me! Stop calling me! STOP CALLING ME [click]!

[Mark begins typing on the computer, sighing and shaking his head]

[click]

Same woman: Hello, who is this?

Mark: Still me, ma'am.

Woman: [politely] Oh. goodnight.

Mark: You too, ma'am [click].

Showing off texting to my Blogger.

"Did you just quote 'The Bells' by Edgar Allen Poe?" "No...'How the Grinch Stole Christmas.'"

Used cupons today. JEW POWERS ACTIVATE!

Arcade game of Virtual Cop. Childhood memories come flooding back.

Prequel to the Final Destination movie: "Pentimate Destination." It's just a bunch of people eating at Denny's.

An old friend may be dying or dead.

Found a piece of paper inside a book I was reading back in December. On it was a drawing of a Christmas tree with different decorations labeled. It read:

"Simple Pleasures" presents: "How to Have a 'Bright Eyes' Christmas"

-Fallen star

-Dying tree, separated and alone (alternatively, a plastic mockery of life)

-Flickering, pitiful lights, never able to truly fight the darkness

-Fragile, transient ornaments

-Milk and cookies for the lies your parents told you

-Present for the only girl you ever loved who left you forever

-Cold (like your heart)

-Music, either Christmas carols or Johnny cash singing "Hurt."

-Alcohol

On the same piece of paper, the beginning of a story: "He bought a book because the cover reminded him of a song he liked and immediately forgot about it."